The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you win again, gameday.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The Olympian is in my bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
