My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
