Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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