So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
