my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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