im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I believe in your delicious
I love you. Go after that dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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