To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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