He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will pee on everything he values.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
