girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
