imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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