just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
