You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
