the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
