Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
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Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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