Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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