You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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