also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
