Christians are straight up FREAKS
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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