HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
third nipple confirmed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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