Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
