did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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