I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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