Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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