You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
