its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
