If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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