we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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