Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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