So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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