the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
