What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
