i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
