and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
