I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
