OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sober January is a disaster.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
