we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
