I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
