I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I believe in your delicious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
