im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
