Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
