Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
