toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
