I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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