he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
how drunk are you?
Several
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
