I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
