JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
