I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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