Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize