it hurts more in the daytime
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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