i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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