I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
