took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
