Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
