I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
