So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
