Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
