why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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