I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
