Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
