and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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