How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
