Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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