At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
