He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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