she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
