i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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