She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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