saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
