he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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