sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
