there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize