Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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