They should really pass out barf bags in church
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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